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Deciding whether to divorce or not may be the most important decision you ever make in your life.  There are many questions to ask yourself in which the answers will make clear what is right for you.  Below are three questions and answers that will be helpful in guiding your decision

Why do I want to divorce?

If you’re thinking about divorcing your spouse, there are a number of questions you first need to ask yourself before moving ahead. The initial inquiry is why?

• What is going on in the marriage and maybe more importantly what is going on within you to want out?  Self reflection holds the answers to all the questions we could ever have about ourselves and about our life.
• Have you taken the time to go within and understand what is driving your need to end your marriage?
• Is there a need going unfulfilled?
• Is there a desire going unnoticed?

Looking at your marriage and how you show up is another way to gain clarity about your thoughts about divorce.

• Has the communication between yourself and your spouse broken down?
• Have you talked about your feelings with your spouse?
• Do you feel listened to?
• Do you listen when your spouse wants to talk about their feelings?
• Have you created a space of open and honest communication for both of you to share your feelings?

The answers to these questions will help give you clarity on why you want to divorce.  It may also bring up more questions as well as other reasons why you may be thinking about ending your marriage.  I invite you to take the time to inquire on the why and initiate a discussion with your spouse on your feelings and the insights you gathered during your self reflection.

Why now?

When you are thinking about divorce, why make one of the most significant changes in your life now?  This is very important as you decide if leaving your marriage is right for you.  As you know, timing is everything and deciding when to end your marriage is no different.  Some of the questions you should be thinking about are:

• Are the children old enough that you will be able to make the transition from a two parent to a one parent household?
• Will you be able to financially support yourself especially if you have children?
• Do you have the emotional support of family and friends during and after the transition?
• Are you leaving the marriage to avoid looking at issues that need to be addressed?

Feeling and being ready to leave a marriage takes courage, fortitude and compassion.  Making sure now is the right time takes looking at your situation and having positive answers to the above questions.

What will my life look like after divorce?

Having an idea of what your life will look like afterwards is key to understanding whether to divorce or not.  If you have not done so already, I invite you to take some time and visualize all the parts of your life and how that will look after your divorce.

• Where will you live?
• What will your financial situation look like?
• How does this new life feel?

By going to that place in the future you have insight on not only what your life will look like but also any changes that may need to be made after divorce. This visualization will give you answers that will help you decide if divorce is right for you.

These questions are the beginning of an important conversation to have with yourself and ideally your spouse.  This can be a difficult time in your life however it does not have to be as painful if you can evaluate whether divorce is the answer for you.

 

Anthony Diaz

The Divorce Empowerment Coach

Coaching Website www.anthonyjdiaz.com

Law Firm Website www.DivorceWithDignityNow.com

Facebook  www.facebook.com/TheDivorceEmpowermentCoach

Twitter twitter.com/TheDivorceDr or @TheDivorceDr

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